Travelers Blues

I was warned a long time ago, Traveling is a double edged sword. Especially when you’re new to it.

My first international trip was to China, in 2018. It was amazing, full of adventure, on a very strict schedule of the dreaded tour bus. There are some countries that being on a tour bus is really the only economical option. Personally, I hate hate hate tour buses. I hate traveling in anything where I am confined in a seat way too small, smashed into a wall and/or other person, cramped, not able to move, wiggle, or hardly breathe. The international tour bus traveling was awful. I felt tortured. I would relish every daggum second outside of the bus, on the outings, the super special experiences, such as enjoying the parks, museums, climbing the Great Wall of China, and my most favorite experience of all visiting the Lingshan Grand Buddha in Wuxi, Jiangsu Province (if you can, I highly suggest this!), but every time we had to load back on the dreaded bus, I died a little inside. It was cold, being January, the wall inside of the bus was like ice against my thigh and arm, despite my extra layers. The uncomfortable riding situations aside, the destinations were breath-taking. Made it all worth it. The time in China was something magical. Then, just like that, it was over, back on a plane for hours, back home, back to the mundane. There was a spark though, a longing. Once home, I had a hard time looking at my pictures, I did edit a few of my favorites to share on Facebook and Instagram. My life was back to normal, but I yearned to be back in China. As hectic as the schedule was, up early back on a bus, travel through the country, basically a different hotel, luxury as they were, every night, the experience has never left my mind. With that being said, neither has the longing to travel.

The second international trip was to the South Island of New Zealand. This we did as a self-guided tour in our own rental car. This was absolutely amazing! While there were two times I had to board a bus, and died inside each time, for the most part it was heaven in contrast to China. New Zealand was full of indescribable beauty. There were things we saw that I don’t have the vocabulary to even try to describe. I have thousands upon thousands of pictures that I still, being home now for two months, can’t bring myself to look through. The waters were so blue, a shade I started calling New Zealand Blue. I have never seen such a blue, creeks, rivers, lakes, even the Tasman Sea. The flora was like nothing I have ever seen, the birds are beautiful, even their seagulls with the rebeliously red feet and eye-rings. Alas, once again, it was over way too soon! Back on a plane, back home, longing even more so to be back on that island. I fell in love with New Zealand in a way I never expected. I brought home rocks from the sea, and from the Arrow River. I hold them often, remembering the beauty, the amazement, the laid back ways, and how safe I felt.

Traveler blues doesn’t strictly pertain to international travel, either. In 2017, I traveled our home state with my three children and two granddaughters, and ended that amazing summer with a trip to Oregon for the Great North American Solar Eclipse. That was something that has stayed with me ever since, The whole summer packed full of traveling and experiencing adventure as a whole family, and I am so very glad we all had that time together. That was the last time we all traveled and camped together as a family. Every one is growing and going their own ways. The memories bring my heart such joy, but also a little longing for having time like that again.

In 2022, we traveled to New York, NY. Christmas in New York is something I would encourage everyone to experience once in their lifetime if possible. What an amazing time that was. There was a lot I wish I could have done, like go shopping in B&H, but that was a great trip. I was in a squishy bus a few times, which made me have an attitude, miserable, especially when it was raining and we were on the top of a double decker. I was flat angry that bus trip.

In 2024, I drove to Texas for my second solar eclipse in North America. It was a break neck trip down to get to Emory, Texas in time. The day of the eclipse the clouds and rain were moving in, so we hot-footed it to Hot Springs, Arkansas for the event!. The trip back was more leisurely, stopping at the Grand Canyon for a few days and Moab, Utah. That trip was so in my face, that I can’t get it out of my head that I want to move to Utah. Until New Zealand, that is. Now Utah is in a hot second place, but way more realistic.

I suppose, now, I realize what I was being warned about. Travelers blues is a very real thing. When you are traveling, vacationing, and living your “best life”, it plants seeds in your brain. It makes you pine for life to be like that all the time. As unrealistic as that is, it is psychologically very real, and quite the dilemma. Traveling while on vacation, especially when it is stress free and engaging, is completely opposite of day to day life where adulting and obligations are chock full of daily stresses, in the work place and in home and family. Coming home after traveling, one can sometimes get it stuck in their heads that they want life to be like that 100% of the time. That thought process settles down after a while, but for me, depending on what kind of emotional value I attach to the trip, it might never completely calm down to where I can function without the constant nag in my brain of remembering how great I felt, how relaxing this place was, how exhilarating that experience was, and how much I just want to “do it all” for the rest of my life. That is dangerous thinking, for me. The longing festers, turning to unrest and dissatisfaction. There are at least 18 years before I can even think of making that dream a reality, and yet I cling to it like life blood. In 18 years, I won’t have it in me to do the things I can now. Totally unrealistic of me, completely irresponsible to think like this.

Or is it…